Money, power and gender

I had gone shopping by myself to Commercial street and usually getting an auto to come back once its past 7pm is a horrendous challenge. So I started walking towards the direction where autos pass by.I heard two women, few years older to me,calling out to a auto driver (the name of the place they asked is close to home), So I was game to share the auto with them. Well they haggled with the driver for Rs.X to the point that they will go and I agreed to pay for the distance furhter. So it was all agreed. We sit in the auto and one of the ladies who looked elderly among them started the calcualtion of Rs.X to be equally divided amongst  3 of us.As they both were getting off at different points, she further wanted to divide the fares accordingly among them. Then I was told that I will have to pay Rs.X/3. I agreed (though I thought it was understood when the journey started).This whole exercise took about 15 minutes. 

But after about five minute the same lady started doing the calculation once again,as she was afraid that it should not be so that I get to pay lesser than them. I don’t know what  prompted her to feel so and she started her calculations all over again, this time with the driver also being involved.This really blew me off. More so because she was talking in Kannada presuming I don’t understand. So I just retorted back almost nastily that if she feels being ripped off paying Rs.X/3,  I would not mind paying Rs.X and they could take this as a free ride.

The response I got from this lady astonished me to the core and I felt hurt within me. She turned towards me and said in a very low and composed and concerned voice,”Well for you it is possible to pay Rs.X or Rs X/3, because you earn. But for me, I have to show an account for each paise that I spend”…(to perhaps her husband or mother-in-law or son..)

A million thoughts rioted my mind that moment-

• about the fact that she analysed that I was a working woman,
• the individual freedom to decide,spend, move around and so on.
• how many women are there like her who account their lives to some one . 
• their share of happiness, sorrow,tears, laughter seems accounted.

How much more privileged I am to have the freedom of thought, desire, expression. How education,  and upbringing can shape personalities, Issues which look frivolous to us is so daunting to others and vice-versa. 

Voyage through rough waters

I recollect the time 1991, when I was struggling with my academics in college and I decided to change my entire degree course. That was the time when I think I heard to the little voice within and it was pure and clear. And I followed that gut feeling.

However what enabled me to muster courage to do so where the significant people in my life. i don’t know if they even rememebr it as soemhting so important , but even today when I pause to look back I fel blessed to have such people in the course of life. It was a delicate phase of life and I am glad I passed through it with all the buoys I found in my family and friends. I will always remain indebted to them.

My sister, mother and Achahen (who gave silent support), my friends – can’t skip Manoj Pillai – for the encouragement he gave to study Sociology. All my school and college classmates who neer let me feel left out or let me down. And one family I will never ever forget – Verma mam and Uncle for giving me the moral support and courage and make me believe in myself.

At that point, my guilt was so high that if any one would ask what I did, I will give a preface of how I changed my course. It was later, one of my friends who pointed it out to me that- hey why are you confessing to every one that you have changed the course! How troubled I was as I wasn’t sure that it will in the long run just be fine.

All I can do as my gesture of gratitude is try to be supportive to any kid who struggles through this phase of life.I don’t shy away from any chance to share this story of failure and the courage to face it with chin held high all along since then. I salute all the significant people who were with me those times for their wisdom to value a person than to the degree he /she would get from any institute.

 

Quick peek into 2011

Quick look back  on 2011 the highlights I can think of without much stress or press on my memory

Theater of the Oppressed Workshop

Losing a mobile 

Pranav changing to new school

Driving to Kerala

Saumya’s wedding a huge family get together. First wedding where me and Neena were attending together(except my wedding)

Cyril’s wedding at Baroda meeting all church members!!!

Meeting old friends and neighbors at Baroda

Having my sinus operation

Starting on BP pills

Manav improving his crying spells(decreasing)

Pranav’s first official piano recital

Manav started with piano lessons

Completing home loan -kudos Biju

Getting my License for Car

Organising training at Mumbai 

Seeing the Himalayas for the FIRST time

Travelling to Nepal

Reading interesting book Skunk Girl -Sheba Karim

Watching the Malayalam movie  ’ Salt n pepper’

Attending  Harsh Mander’s Lecture

Becoming God mother to Joanna!!!!

Cooking biryani on wood stove

Finding Latha, Bhavna, Sudha Rao Sumana, and many other friends from Refinery on facebook!

Met with college mates in Mumbai!

Affinity to school

Manav to begin with is a strong headed person (4yrs old) – both in literal sense and in thinking. To convince him to change his stand is a futile task. He is high energy and his train of thought is fast and clearer than he can express or explain which makes him agitated, oft  times. So the only way out is to ACT, which usually takes the other person, by surprise.

Whether he is determined or stubborn – I am unable to decide, he gets things  his way for sure. Its entirely his own rules to his game. Quiet tough , at times I feel he is a big person wanting to be part of the adult world( for what reason, I don’t know) but is trapped in this little body!

Throughout his LKG he has not been very amused about school especially with writing set in. Well he likes to work on letters and numbers only until he figures them out. Once he knows them, he thinks its such a  bad idea to repeatedly write them.

Few weeks back as is  his routine to ask each morning before getting out of the bed – if its a holiday. Well most of the week the day starts with wailing and crying as all days are not holiday. The only respite is on Saturday and Sunday-but for church ). On a holiday he wakes up  asking usual question is  - Is it holiday today?  ”Yes” , I answer and then the second question- Is there church today? and I say No. This response brought a relieved but still skeptical look on his face. His happiness knows no bounds, but is unsure if such a REAL good  morning is POSSIBLE!

Yet another weekend he had homework to write Aa to Vv. He hates repetition. So having done lot of fun and masti the previous evening I tried to buy him the idea that he needs to finish his work in the morninig.  Having understood that I am not letting him his way, he sits with the notebook and starts to cry and talk with himself.

“Dumbo, oh this ma’am, she is so dumbo , always asking to write A to V . As if there is no1,2,3.”  Then he loudly rattles off A to Z and then wonders why he has to write only till V. He says to himself aloud “What a dumbo she is, always asking to write A to V”.

In Malayalam, one  could say  - avan palliyum venda pallikudavum venda! (he is not fond of either school nor church)

Homework missing!

This year blogging has been poor. Not dearth of thoughts but ofcourse time.

I have had the practise of sharing the daily children’s activities with my colleagues. There are always eager audience for this. On hearing the lil stories, they always tell me to write it down as with time  I would forget it and such fun would be missed.

So I take the time to jot down the most funny incident which happened in recent past. Pranav changed his school and joined Manav. He seems to have liked the new school and the overall set up. But in few weeks time he again started missing to complete his dairy. One day on asking he said there is no HW, but later recalled some task given by his mam. I looked into to his diary and was puzzled that nothing was written for the day. On asking him he came running to his study table, took the diary and scanned through the pages and started shaking it saying”Well I had written it and where has it gone?” as if the letters would have hidden themselves in the pages. By then I lost my temper, but the friend to whom I shared this rolled in laughter. I thought to myself I wish I could also laugh it away as these were precious moments.

No mama, its not like that….

Language development is such an amazing period of life. We may or may not have any records of the umpteen mistakes we made in  our early lives to speak correctly. The  surrounding then was also not very nice as each one made fun, wanted us to repeat it in the blabber  but there was no reluctance of being laughed at. Now when I have a 6 yr old and a three yr old who want to be as vocal as possible its fun to be part of that. I try and let them continue their lingo, ‘coz very soon they will speak the same language like us adults, then there is  no much fun left.

Some of the favourite that i remember and keep sharing are the ones I want to write down too, so that it can be fun to Pranav and Manav to read.

Pranav  had just started to read English alphabets and one night he got up in the middle of the night crying ‘”LMN, LMN LMN.” And  I kept hearing the same  L M N…and could not figure out  why was he crying with these three letters. It was so difficult and had no clues, I got him his alphabets book which he forcefully threw away and would still continue with the same  three letters LMN. Finally he too gave up and decided to show what he meant. He was saying ,’veLaM veNum” which in Malayalam means “I want water!”

This was the first time he attempted to say that full sentence.

Pranav climbing a tree

Later when he was in UKG, it was Annual Exam time. So one day when I had my routine call after he returns form school, I asked, ” Did your mam give you the Time table?” and in a fraction came the response,”what mama dining table?’

He had never head about this table which I was asking about and all I could do was laugh at myself. Once he wanted to stay back home as we were planning to go out, of course for his Cartoon network shows. so he comes up to me saying, “You guys go I will stay back.” I was amused by that  and such lingo makes you realize that each day the Lil baby whom you carried home as a bundle is growing up.

Now it is Manav who is too sure of what he wants to say and how its said or even sung and read. He corrects every one and will then also tell you the meaning, if need be.

Manav goes on with his authoritative line, “stop the nonsense.” And from the naturalsense he has come to know that calling someone “patti” (dog) is derogatory and it expresses anger etc etc. So now he would scream at his top of his voice poda patti with such a cute accent that one peels off laughing. he get more angry and then tells it in a string. Then to make it look irrelevant, we ask him, if he could spot the four legs and show the tail and he keeps wondering on that and quickly forgets what was he angry at.

Manav with Macdonald

These days he has decided to re write the National Anthem – Tagore may your soul rest in peace.

Jana gana mangaliya nayak jaya hai

Bharata Bhagya vidhata

punjabi sindh ….(oh i wish i could hear more closely.)

But the first couple of lines with mangaliya is so cute, and I beg all those who listen not to correct him , for soon he will correct it.

If we sing the rhymes  or read from his book , he will correct us by saying,’No mama, anganey alla...(it’s  not that way)….” and then read exactly the same and be satisfied on being able to stop and correct us.

Vegetable shopping

Inflation was a word so far away from common man up until a decade( I think  so, as it was for me) But today has become a pat of everyday conversation in every house and every one as its hitting each one very hard.  On every Sunday there is a big weekly vegetable bazaar near my church from where we shop for the week. It’s so crunchy fresh from the farms near by and satisfies the hunger of my eyes.

So this Sunday keeping our “tradition” and also trying to be wise to shop from big bazaar – literally than the plump chain shops, we went to this market. To our surprise it was not crowded at all. We were happy as then we need not lock up the children in the car, instead take them with us shopping! So we park the car , cross over and go to our regular vendor’s place and he has not turned up. So we start asking the price of all these farm fresh vegetables. There are plenty of vegetables through out the market. There doesn’t seem to be any dearth of supply or any shortage. Usually when we go to buy onion, potatoes and tomatoes they tend to tell the price of either 2 kg or 1.5kgs.They would not sell quantities less than 1 kg.

But today it was different.

All the vendors thought it wiser and more acceptable to tell the price of 250gm(1/4 kilo) veggies. Ask for any veggie it was Rs.20 for 1/4 kg. This was a good way to encouraged customers buy at least 1/4 kg. To make them feel they need not go empty handed. The vendors did not mind weighing with these smaller weights.

What I fail to understand is how far stretched can this problem go any more  of the old adage in Hindi ” char anney ka murghi aur barah anney ka masala ” (chicken worth 25ps and the spices to cook it is 75ps)  go on.

Food riots the one of its kind India is yet to see, can be seen lurking around the corner of every street in this country. The market is flooded with good but cannot buy-  is very frustrating . I don’t know Economics at all, but all I can sense is all the mortar and cement building up all the high rise buildings and plush mall after mall, is not going to fill the empty stomachs of the millions in our country. The real – estate boom of the past years we are paying high price.

Can we take measure to make farming lucrative and fashionable. If  only Amitabh wanted to own land to do farming it would have been a good step to start. But alas it was only for farm-house, which is suicidal. Think of how we can encourage farming, make agriculture fancier, ‘coz computers won’t fill a hungry stomach for sure.

A quick peep into the decade which passed by

Of the forty long years, I think the most clear memory is of the past decade. I recall one of the many crazy talks we as friends had once in early ’90s . This was when we had just started college and  one of my friend Seema commented,“pata hai 2000 mein hum sab tees saal ke ho jayengey!” (Do you realize that we all will be 30 yrs old  in yr 2000) and all of  us, about 7 friends ,peeled off laughing. Oh! 30!!!!     It was some haggard number so far away from us then. I remember the advt of  Jeetendra the film actor who was trying not to look 30 in some health capsules.But now even that day when we cracked this joke,  is a vivid memory.

I thought  to do this blog much earlier in Jan but then….well all’s not always as one plans. The reason I thought of writing this past decade is because it has been quite eventful in many ways – some happy,  some sad. As I don’t write my diary I thought it to be a good way to record my memories for keepsake.

2000 Turned 30!

2001 Darkest year of my life

Heart breaks of all sorts possible – long time relation – nothing lasts for ever;  Gujarat earthquake – realizing that each moment is life in itself there are no guarantees – seeing all the “mighty construction” in one heap of rubble burying all that is  in it and all those who were in there put to sleep, never to get up. Mummy detected with Cancer & loosing mummy – worst which could happen in one’s life. Loosing the one’s parent. Leave Gujarat – choosing flight to fight to restore my sanity.  I was  too tired to battle with emotions and memories. But never thought it would be changing the course of life. Cannot believe that it has been 10 years since I am not living in Baroda. Oh! my Baroda I miss you. What a year! Now when  back , I wonder how could I go through all this in just one year within a span of 5 months and still keep my sanity. I am sure those near me would witness if I was sane at all.

Was there any  sunny side up of 2001?            Well my host mother and friend Michelle visits from Canada to Goa. She spends some good quality time with us and also with mummy which I thought was very special. Through out the period when  we and mummy were battling those cancer months, there were friends and well wishers from all sides and all time of the day.They were the Guardian angels whom God had sent for us in form of doctors, hospital staff, neighbors, friends, colleagues and church members. God guided us in His arms totally.

2001 also added a new leaf into that book of my leaf, which now is a chapter in itself . Jaipur a new chapter to my life new friends new relations which then changed the way I looked at life and I can never thank enough for  these invaluable additions I have had.

Dream comes true of being in Rajasthan and going to places always seen in calendars

2002

I don’t recollect much about it  other than the grand launch of the CBCP-Children By Choice not Chance Project  funded by Warren Buffet! For the inaugural session I had the privilege to compeer, invite and interact with Late Rajmata Gayatri Devi of Jaipur. Oh how gracious and royal, its difficult to find words to speak when in front of such personalities.

It was also the year of OSAMA  BIN LADEN and the twin tower tragedy. In October went on West Rajasthan tour to the deserts of Sam near Pushkar, Jaisalmenr, Jodhur Palace,Ranthambor with my sister. Enjoyed the Jaipur Diwali to the hilt. Went for a road trip from Goa to Kerala visiting Kumrakoum, Cochin and Kozhikode with My friend and sister by car.Also visited 10 districts of Rajasthan as part of work. I enjoyed it a lot. Met some great people and made great relations. Revived a lot of old family ties.

Met with Vimla and Tara  who then became  my friend and guide  and will always be part of me.

2003

Owned my first mobile!

Considered about finding a partner. Registered for Bharat Matrimony. Came across few good profiles.Found it an interesting way as it was non threatening and totally in one’s control to  decide the  boundaries. Found the person who then became my life partner. Got Married in October. Came to Bangalore.

2004

Besides many things that happened, became a MOTHER! Learned Kannada. Made some good friends from work

2005

Motherhood takes up all your direction and planning cannot recollect anything big.

2006

Moved into our own house. Found some wonderful neighbors perhaps long lost family.

2007

Mother for a second time; Bought our first car. Some of my friends going through crisis in relationships. Lost my Mother-in law and sister in-law. Made some good friends.

2008

Got a part-time Lecturer post for  teaching Community Development and that too in Kannada. Wow! Became part of Chain prayer ministry.Made some good professional ties.

2009

My husband starts his own venture of business

Got into Face book.

2010

Turned 40!

Got blogging Went on air  twice on FM. Translated and composed a AIDS campaign jingle in Malayalam. What a treat it was when the singer called on my mobile and sang the tune for me to approve of! The ad now runs on road shows in Kerala.

Always on the learning curve of being a better  partner and a better mother.

2011….holds its own plan. When God is on our side what is there to fear!

Keep waiting…why to inform

Have been in the current project for almost 2 years. I am sure everyone working  or otherwise goes through this experience when people don’t get back to you and you are kept waiting. This is my 7th or 8th job, but I think I have not been any kept waiting or guessing ever, than this time. Its really frustrating. It was just yesterday that the girl to whom a piece work was given on a trial basis showed up after almost 3  weeks. When she was given the assignment for trial she was supposed to get back “at the earliest”. She showed promise by calling the very next day inquiring about the version of the software used, which kindled some hope – that this time the  task will be completed on time.

The threshold of hope is very low as there has been big disappointments keeping high hopes and professionalism. But it was too early to think positive. She then disappeared for weeks, there I was left guessing again. She had no contact number or email id.

Well then she shows up after three weeks. Rushes into the office room in such hurry and speaks very fast all about why she had not been in touch.  She  sings this long song of how she was unable to get the version of the software used BUT  she did the task in  just 15 minutes NOW using one of the computer at my office.  I wonder if it was so easy why did she not do it earlier? Then she laments about  the work she  had in hand which was taking longer than she anticipated and hence didn’t find time to do this sample task.  I in the middle of all this non stop talk  tried to interrupt her. But she doesn’t  breath to give a pause. So then I wait for her to finish her long sentence which was  for a couple of minutes.  She then gives me the pen drive that she had taken and asks me to look what she has done right then, I do plug it in immediately and then wonder what ‘s the hurry. I need to explain to her about this unexplained silence which prevailed over the last weeks.  She doesn’t seem to realize  it was too long to have waited for her.

When she kind of unwound completely I told her that we had  given the task back to the same guy , who has been totally off time and off  schedule , but sprung with completed tasks now and again, as we had no choice.

She was disappointed about that . But then she wants me to assure that in Jan 2011 when all her current assignments are over, I should give her some work! I reply her diplomatically that by then I hope to have no more pending work . But as a gesture of politeness, I ask her for her contact  – phone or email.

Well the last straw on the camel’s back – her contact details are with her husband  and she can give it whenever she comes this way  in the near future!

Change in the system is possible

In India nothing works, corruption runs in the system. It is difficult to change.  We have heard this many number of times. But the cliche’  that political will makes the difference  is actually not really a cliche’ . It does wonders. It makes one look to the future with some light at the end of the tunnel. Change is possible.

Chattisgarh has totally given the real meaning to the Public Distribution which has been one of the most corrupt and exploitative system in the government programs. Ration cards which was like the ID for each citizen and is still true for millions in this country has been the most frustrating piece of record to have. Now with this revolution in resurrecting the PDS for what its is meant to be Ration card becomes one true identity.

Chhattisgarh shows the way

India’s Public Distribution System (PDS) has been in a bad shape for decades, often thought to be beyond repair. Recent experience, however, suggests otherwise. Political will, increased transparency and community participation have led to an amazing revival of the PDS in Chhattisgarh though the state has only shown contempt for people’s rights in other contexts…

Source: